September Reflection

 こんにちは。マリサです。

今、９月十二です。

おひさしぶりですねｗｗｗｗ

Today , i skipped school and i literally have no motivation to study. I know this is quite cliche , but its quite a burden to myself... 

This month , i dunno what happened to me... I lost all the will to do my stuff and i cant find any happiness and the main point to all what i do , especially studying...

Ever since my mom moved outside of her office room , i found it hard to study outside.. i know , you might be laughing reading this.

The problem is right now i have to study and cover all the missed topics that i was absent at school , after i have recovered...

Another few weeks to end form 3, and i have to study hard to get into science stream class.

Listening this to fullmetal alchemist Op playlist.

The only advice i got is from my mom saying that "Belajaq ni susah dik" and the Internet saying "Penat tu sat sahaja"

I know,... After seeing other people's success , etc budak agama dapat straight 10A.. i lost all the hope myself as i reflect back what i recently did this month.

I am developing a personality where i quickly get tired in studying , even though i used pomodoro , structured web , etc.. 

こわいね

。。。

I also get used to that personality after school in the office.. i found it quite hard to study outside of the room. I even cant sleep , as my body kinda aches.. 

I know i know , you might be saying, "Hek eleh. Budak miskin pun boleh berjaya , kenapa tak awak?"

That is one of the reasons that keeps echoing in my head. 

Look , i dont want to become like my oldself last year.. suffering from insanity and cant adapting to the environment.. that is one of the worst moments ive ever experienced .

Right now , i found it really tiring that the office and the house has become a burden to me to keep on studying.. my room has been invaded by my sister , gaming all day, and the office has a lot of ajnabi that it seems i cant take off my tudung...

[いやいや。。hang on there...]

I just wanted to cry... There are a lot of problems im facing currently.. the ai project.. my science results.. the finals that are going to determine which path im going to take.. the "orang solehah voices" that keeps disturbing whenver i do something that isnt islamic at all... 

Dont worry i WILL find a solution to all of this problems, insyallah... As long as i am breathing , i will get there.. someday...

I am 15 now.. things must change.. i must move foward... my current situation makes me even stronger than before... imagining this as ed fighting scar w/ epic music.. even though society sees me as a makcik with 2 front teeth , i imagine therefore, i am.... i am my own in front of Allah... 

After all the blogging, i felt like an anime character HAHA.

Lol jk... i will become the person i desired my whole life...