A new version of myself lately

 Hey so, 

I kinda felt sorry for myself since I dont have the courage to try all the things I really wanted to do.

And now, im just starting. At the age of 16. 

Ehhhh dont get me wrong!! I'm starting my nerd phase where I'll research and read a lot of articles based on themes like 'Psychology' or maybe 'Introduction to Philosophy'.

Also, I'm beginning to start my own daily life story named "Crabstick Sandwich"-- I think I'll upload that to Wattpad. It's just a short miniseries with anthropomorphic characters (made of materials like steel,metal,etc)

Recently I moved to a new block in my school-- it's a really old place , and its made out of wood. I sat in the front, having no partner by my side-- It's just feel amazing y'know. And i got to see the glorious view of Bukit Mertajam XD. 

It's kinda cozy. I'm just starting to enjoy my Form 4 life-- by august. I'm beginning to love studying there now. ^^

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I begin to realize slowly that I'm not those ordinary malay girls out there, generally speaking. Not much of the people i meet everyday has same interests as me,sadly. (lol having no friends be like) I'm not here to flex or whatever-- im just appreciating myself. Since i dont have mutual connections on real life nor the Internet, I'm trying to cope with my loneliness by triggering that curiosity deep in my mind by researching topics that I shouldn't research lol(SOMETIMES) -- okay okay for example murder crimes, sexual exploitation, inside the mind of a murderer,etc and for the safe for work is like how games are developed, etc LOLOLOL

Honestly, it took me pretty much 4 years to realize that i don;t have any human being to even talk about my personal interests. Sure, primary school friends was fun but it ended up being jerks in high school.

My feelings? Im really bluffed out everytime I thought of that. But its okay. Im okay. I will get through this phase all by myself, insyaallah. 

..

Having a personal OS in telegram makes me even more happier now that I could freely dump links and write my thoughts with no capitalists chasingme to buy their "premium" version or whatsoever. 

I'm kinda hurt by my past memories that even my close people hurt my feelings... now i need to vent that somewhere./