Hai gaisss
As i said in my previous blog , we had reached the end-- but not yet the conclusion. So here it is:
As time always pass , i do realize things will always change too.
Im not good but making conclusions , but that day when i ended my connection with X, i think that was a big impact in my life as Allah SWT knows more-- who knows , i might be doing stuff that is prohibited in Islam.
On that day too , i didnt intended to ignore his messages for a while , but lama" i decided to just ignore , instead of just blocking and clearing messages.
As i am just in form 3 , and i often see X's face too until today , i always had that feeling of anger,jealousy, and my heart was always full of regret and guilt everytime i met him f2f. :/
My mind was flashbacking my past memories that was regretted in the end; jadi terhasillah perasaan yang tidak stabil.
I also realized he was ahead of me when the mid year exam results official ranking board came out.
Thus , that effected me to become mad and regretted at myself , plus perasaan tidak redha medabik dada; besarnya egoku (aceyh personifikasi)
I felt sad and kinda mad at myself at that point. Lots of negative thoughts and emotions were striving at me (╥﹏╥);
Im kinda scared to give out the "what ive learned" content because i might give out the wrong doctorine to yall. Im not a philosopher!!! π
Im also feeling those negative thoughts and emotions now whenever i see X -- and so that is one of the reasons why im documenting the whole thing on my blog so that i could reflect on my actions!!
well , before having an intention to write this whole perihal thing , there was an incident occured:
I just wanted to explain this incident before i dive in the official conclusion.
Last week , as usual i had that AI meeting on my school's lab. My last subject on that day was computer science , so ofc i stayed in the lab.
There was 3 makerlabs in my school; lab 1 , 2 and 3.
To my suprise, he, with his minion, put his bag at lab 1 , which i was staying in.
I was like, WHY DID HE PUT HIS BAG HERE UGHHHH
Fast foward , while i was chatting with my local cs teacher , i unintentionally / or intentionally I FORGOT. put my stuff too on the table that the bags are also there.
My mind was like ehhh takpelah diorang bukan nak mai masa tu pun kalau hg amik
BUT CHECKPOINT IT WASNT
when i came back to that lab after eating and all, i saw antagonist x and his minion!!! AGHHHHH
Bro , x was seeing me like π€¨ (dwayne johnson face) while drinking his wot'ah.
And i took the action by AKWARDLY grab my stuff , pretending that i had leg injury because my socks were wet so i had to cover my aurat from being seen .
And from there, i really need to explain all of my backstories that I've been keeping and hiding from public.
And now , here I am. Ive explained it all.
p/s writing this while listening to fullmetal alchemist ed. X)
And so , to end the story officially , i just wanted to share some lessons of what i've learned.
Note that i am not just a philosophy type of person; nor a person who has a pro and expert experience in romance; nope not at all. Just a regular person.
I also dont know what these lessons/value would fall in what category , but this is just reality i'd say.
Let me just call it 'Reality lessons from a 15 yr old'
Lolz. Dont take it seriously. I know these might be ridiclous for some of you. I just wanted to share , might be helpful for me too in the future.
From what ive experienced with X , i learnt that ajaran agama paling penting if you are having friends/connection with someone. I mean , if that someone is doing the wrong thing that is prohibited , than you know you've got islam, and Allah too.
I, myself too, also got carried away with X in playing games , and not realizing that I, myself might have passed the praying hours. In addition, im not aware of my iman that time too.
Ingat, apa" pun kita buat dalam dunia ni hanya bergantunh kepadanya shj. Every action that we do in wvery second , he is the most aware ; the most subtle. So , haraplah pertolongan dekat dia. Dia sahaja yg bole settle segala-galanya.
I also realized my relationship with X is making me too far from Islam , and i think that is one of the reasons that it has come to an end.
So litlte by little, day by day , im not sure when or where do i start but im improving myself to become a better person, and a better muslim , hanya kepadanya.
I know i might be a rotten girl with spectacles seen by some people, but deep in myself, im trying to become a better version of me- for myself and , for Allah.
I hope i could achieve my aura of confidence to society too , if i keep trying and trying all day.
I suffer from lack of confidence due to i keep remembering my moments with X, so to my perspective , showing my true self in front of X was so embarassing yet akward, just to seea friend you've made back in 4 years ago, then you'd ignored him-- that is one of the problems that i still encounter up to this day since the day that i ignored X.
I , too , didnt found a solution to solve that problem. But after all that i've explained in my blog, i realized that I had to let go; redha. Redha and ignore all the things that happen and move on. I know this is quite hard and painful for me , but i'll try to be better.
Insyallah. I can do it.
The memories i experienced with X felt like just ashes flying away on the atmosphere.
Honestly , i sometimes made my eyes teary, wondering and flashbacking those moments;
but those moments that ive experienced -- even though i felt it negatively -- i must accept it because that is also apart of me that shaped me who i am today.
~
Wallahu'alam.
Haha font pun dah tukaq dah ni. New Times Roman vibes.
If X sees this then i am officially doomed.
Views keep increasing recently in this swries , IM SO SCARED!!!
γγγγΌγγ°γγ γγΌ!!!!! ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ
P/s if you recognize who X is, plz dont ever bring back all the commotion i've explained. Allah knows.
HONESTLY , ITS BEEN AN HOUR SINCE IVE WRITE THIS BLOG!! AHH THIS X AND ME STORY FELT LIKE AN ANIME!
well at first I started the opening of this story with some sadistic , melancholic playlist and here i am ended up listening to my MADNESS MUSIC MIXTAPE
WHAT
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