Its holiday break!!!!

 Hello! , as always =D

For this blog , im going to tell all what i did for the past 4 days i didnt go to school lolz. 

First of all , i reaaaaaaaally got into fullmetal alchemist brotherhood! Oh my goosh that anime is so inspiring , that kinda gives a good impact to both my iman and emotions too!! Hahah, jarang anime ni bagi kesan positif dekat iman. Bagi aku , fmab memang bestt, aku macam ditambah keimanan aku macam aku sedar Allah SWT ialah tuhan sekalian alam dan dia selalu berada dengan kita haa macam tu. Macam kekhusyukan dengan Tuhan , i say. Dalam cerita tu , ada lah elric brothers tu kata diorang tu atheist, but semuanya berubah bila aku ingat aku ada alquran. Aku sentiasa ingat Allah bila time diorang mention "god" and all that , as an Islam.. 

I dunno how to explain it in words , but the way they represent their feelings and their actions makes me more confident in life XD. 

Like , ada time diorang buat muka serious , and ada time diorang get silly! The characters are so handsome too *blushing* especially the yellow chinese guy, i like him XD

The characters also made me think about my Saikonika characters too... 

I really want to make my so called Saikonika project LITERALLY after this October 17th, which is my final exam of Form 3, then I AM LITERALLY FREE!! well, not really as i HAVE to take another test to determine which stream im going to take to which will also determinemy futyre career AHHHH

huhu my dumb ai project also have to be presented by 8th of November too... im so sad that day will be another 2 month (⁠T⁠T⁠)

im soooo occupied!! but hopefully ill get to reserve a perfect time for my Saikonika~

Basically , i really dreamed Saikonika to be a piece of official animation that will appear on TV3... (⁠T⁠T⁠) Really wanted to make this a comic first and get an adaptation in the future... Lololz.. that is literally imposible , but who knows? I'll find a way to get it real eventually , insyaallah.

I literally have to make a remap of this project since its always changing in my head... 

Nak cerita bab saikonika ni , memang panjang giler. Nak kena ada 2 jam camtu baru boleh faham.

The vibes looks like this:

lolol i hope you can imagine how the scenarios and atmosphere will look like. But this is just a preview. I'll make a dumpboard where i will gather all the vibes that i will put on my SAIKONIKA!!! :D

Okay , so right now , im at my cousin's house. Im literally chilling and blogging rn while listening to capsule mix!! Its so awesomesauce! :D

Having fun before disaster comes , and that is... UASA. 

IM SO NERVOUS BRO!

I'll probably create a full blog / series blog about my Saikonika project~

Aftermath 2 : Aku dan Antagonis X

 こんにちは。マリサです。

Its September now isnt it... And this week is a school holiday. Im going to end form 3 in less than 4 weeks now. I can hear the fullmetal alchemist ops and eds and my 2025 playlist is coming up...

Haha , i really dunno how to start this , but i think this is a new chapter in my story of 2025.

Last week , i really lost my so called motivation because of what i did of all these years with Antagonist X. Man, whoever reads this will never know what i rant on my small, green notebook ... Okay, I literally downgrade myself calling me a pathetic nerd , and all that negative thoughts.

After hearing a lecture from my mother , i literally changed myself to a brand new person.

I lack of self confidence.

Well , i really dont know how to put this in words because its reaaaaaally a long story as i also wrote this in my journal.

After all these years , that day I finally realized that what is making me pathetic in front of him all along is my self confidence. 

I keep avoiding and blocking him , thus i keep becoming a coward whenever i seem him. Yang kita kena takut ialah Allah SWT , bukannya manusia. Itulah kesilapanku... He's just like Envy from FMAB. !!!!!

Kinda had to say it, HE IS LIKE THE VILLAIN SIDE OF FMAB WITH LUST AND HOMUNCULUS OMGGGG HAHAH (im only in episode ~16)

But after that day , i became brave. This is where an absolute cinema begins.

On recess time , i literally want to sit under the tree as I always before he has invaded that area with his henchmen and minions. Ugh , it sucks right? Being invaded by that British guy. 

But i pushed myself to stand out. I have to, i said myself. After putting first my pinkishwatter bottle in that special spot bench , i rushed to canteen to get my food. 

When i came back , oh my gosh. There was a lot OF men!!! Ahhh!!! Girl panic!!! (⁠ ⁠≧⁠Д⁠≦⁠)

Relak lu... Buat" tengok makanan dekat kiosk...

Heheh , then i make my move. My heart was throbbing as one of my classmate is sitting at that bench.

As i slowly approach the area with that filthy franks, i politely asked my dear classmate Chern , "Uh, can u plz move out? That is my water bottle there°^°"

And so , he , as a gentlement, move out. ‼️‼️‼️うれしいーーーーー!!!!!

I calmly sit in that special spot , along with the boys side by side.... I was the only girl in that area.. hahah , finally becoming that girl I wanted to be! Now this is what the true definition of princess!

:D

Knowing Antagonist X is on my right side , and with my spagetthi on my right hand, i quickly open up my journal to record this day. As a starter , i was quite nervous to sit in an area surrounded by boys... So to forget all that , i didnt eat my spagethhi and i had to write in my journal as a substitute ( I HAD TO!!)

Yah, that is just all what happened to me for last week.. just wanted to share my story here lulz. I dunno if you get it or nah , but i think you'll get it hopefully. 

Here is my drawing of what i imagined myself as a princess :

うれしいにゃんー☆☆

September Reflection

 こんにちは。マリサです。

今、９月十二です。

おひさしぶりですねｗｗｗｗ

Today , i skipped school and i literally have no motivation to study. I know this is quite cliche , but its quite a burden to myself... 

This month , i dunno what happened to me... I lost all the will to do my stuff and i cant find any happiness and the main point to all what i do , especially studying...

Ever since my mom moved outside of her office room , i found it hard to study outside.. i know , you might be laughing reading this.

The problem is right now i have to study and cover all the missed topics that i was absent at school , after i have recovered...

Another few weeks to end form 3, and i have to study hard to get into science stream class.

Listening this to fullmetal alchemist Op playlist.

The only advice i got is from my mom saying that "Belajaq ni susah dik" and the Internet saying "Penat tu sat sahaja"

I know,... After seeing other people's success , etc budak agama dapat straight 10A.. i lost all the hope myself as i reflect back what i recently did this month.

I am developing a personality where i quickly get tired in studying , even though i used pomodoro , structured web , etc.. 

こわいね

。。。

I also get used to that personality after school in the office.. i found it quite hard to study outside of the room. I even cant sleep , as my body kinda aches.. 

I know i know , you might be saying, "Hek eleh. Budak miskin pun boleh berjaya , kenapa tak awak?"

That is one of the reasons that keeps echoing in my head. 

Look , i dont want to become like my oldself last year.. suffering from insanity and cant adapting to the environment.. that is one of the worst moments ive ever experienced .

Right now , i found it really tiring that the office and the house has become a burden to me to keep on studying.. my room has been invaded by my sister , gaming all day, and the office has a lot of ajnabi that it seems i cant take off my tudung...

[いやいや。。hang on there...]

I just wanted to cry... There are a lot of problems im facing currently.. the ai project.. my science results.. the finals that are going to determine which path im going to take.. the "orang solehah voices" that keeps disturbing whenver i do something that isnt islamic at all... 

Dont worry i WILL find a solution to all of this problems, insyallah... As long as i am breathing , i will get there.. someday...

I am 15 now.. things must change.. i must move foward... my current situation makes me even stronger than before... imagining this as ed fighting scar w/ epic music.. even though society sees me as a makcik with 2 front teeth , i imagine therefore, i am.... i am my own in front of Allah... 

After all the blogging, i felt like an anime character HAHA.

Lol jk... i will become the person i desired my whole life...