The Start of Form 4 [Part 1]

Before I start

This is just a casual post. I just want to share some of my personal reflections on what i've been experiencing so far at school fro the first week until the third week-- consider this as my notes in the future. Man , it feels so good to blog after weeks of having school and listening to my favourite youtube playlists / mixtapes! ^^

One of my most favourite hobby that I keep going back on , opening my computer and start writing my own thoughts on this web. 

I am not a proffesional or an expert English writer like you see on those essay/books/social media posts/websites , I am just an amateur and I want to express my thoughts in English.

My Personality changed

You might seem to notice that my style of writing, tone, and all are different. This is because

I've decided to change my personality, and become a more mature and academic person-- to be different from all of the years. The start of the turning point and realisation of me looking back of all of my behavior over the years, and some past memories that keep haunting my mind, and a other few factors-- really changed my whole personality, in terms of fashion, my way of perceiving things, and my social skills-- I've decided to acknowledge and welcome the mindset of "stay away from me "or leave me alone" after founding out I've been betrayed yet I felt shit splatted all over me by those that i was once used to be close with. I really felt that cycle of agony and rage repeating again, again, and again whenever the memories come back. 

Apart from that, being a "giga chad" is one of my goals this year, so that means I've got to get that "man" aura. I used to get familiar and finally labeled myself as "strawberry", or the term that my parents always called me of because i was a freaking weak person over these years. Hearing back those words made me mad and I decided to go fierce on myself like what those coaches would swaer at you for not hitting the goal. 

In addition to the stream that I've chosen (Stem B- computer science) , I gotta make an extra effort and make a difference to what i did all over the years. I realized I was being brainwashed by the fancy study stationery and decorations that are currently popular. Now , i just used a rm2 blue pen , red and black pen in a 10 year old pencil case. For now , I'm good at addmaths-- i'm also growing my obssesion towards the subjects i took.

Lonely episodes

As expected , I am the my own version of "Lain". I sit alone at all times, trust me! Since my personality changed , and so does my own environment too. In class , i sit at the front row , and the best part is I've got no partner! It's so comforting.  In recess , i most probably spent my time either at the library , or just chilling at the bench under the tree. I noticed that not a single soul came to that spot , so it was quiet. Really quiet. So honestly , i kinda enjoy the peacefulness there but at the same time , i kinda hit that point of loneliness when i realized that pattern is almost the same everyday. I sometimes rewind and flashback all of my past memories that I regretted it-- i don't like to remember good memories though because it finally leaves you a deep cut in your heart. Remembering the awful memories in the meantime seems good to me , personally because they bring a lesson and a reminder for me to keep on improving myself not to become the old self. Staring at the blue sky while flashbacking/ daydreaming negative scenarios has been a part of my routine in school.

I'll continue soon. 

End of Part 1.